I was thinking about this the other day after the Brangelina divorce news, and the internet started once again hating on Angie. The internet declared that their marriage was doomed because they started by cheating, and of course they blamed Angie and again absolved Brad. I am a feminist, and I hate double standards, so I surprised myself when I came up with an answer different from what I'm all about. I embraced the thought, the feeling and I tried to understand where I was coming from, after finding out I was blaming Angelina in my heart, more than Brad, for the way they hurt Jennifer. This is not even about them, but this new story in the media, for which if I were as unimpressed by celebrity news as I claim to be, wouldn't be thinking or writing about it. The truth is, it affected me, not because I have a personal history of spouses cheating, but because I'm a woman, living in a man's world.
We live in a man's world! We live in a patriarchal society! It's so hard for us women to make it and because men have built this very narrow lane of opportunity where we can cross and join them in the land of power, fame, money, career, making it, women have consistently thrown other women under the bus. The idea that there was only one spot for the female, was so vivid in our brains, that we ran with it, and we as women, became the worst enemies of women. In the last years I have seen a shift, especially in the entertainment industry. Women who gain power help other women. There's a camaraderie I never thought was possible between women and I'm so happy that I'm living in a new world and I want to contribute.
I've always been jealous of men's camaraderie. If their friend is cheating on their wife, they are there to take the call and lie for them. If their friend is doing something shitty, they're there to defend them. Women don't do that! Even between our friends we don't really, at least in the majority, demonstrate that kind of loyalty. When women get married, they leave their friends behind (again, usually, and in my reality). Men, on the other hand, rely on their friends even more, and most certainly don't share their friends' secrets and conversations with their spouses. This is what has been happening for years. Now that women are becoming more and more independent, and female camaraderie is becoming a thing, I can't wait to see the changes in our society coming from that.
So when I, or we, hear of a woman, who's not a woman's woman, who can have any man, but goes for the unattached man, that's when we throw that woman under the bus. Jolene, there's no begging here, but there's a lot of anger towards you. The man's irrelevant in this story. He betrayed us? Who cares? In my subconscious, in my core, your betrayal was more hurtful!
We don't hate on her more than the man, because the man is not to blame. We blame her more because we don't expect much from a cheating man. He's an asshole, he's an untrained animal, we dismiss him. We judge the woman on a higher level, because we are women, and we expect some type of camaraderie that we've been craving since the Matriarchal society was a thing. We hate that woman who betrays her tribe for a man because it goes against every fiber of our being. Even though we've been raised in a patriarchal society, the evolutionary impact of raising children together, and having men only come in and out in our domain has sculpted who we are in our core.
A woman who doesn't care about her tribe, about the rest of the women, and who breaks the rules, or even a woman who doesn't care about this re-found idea of comradery, is not someone who we forgive, no matter how good she does in the world. We have a visceral disgust for that woman, and we never forgive her, even after the hurt party has moved on years ago. The truth is that the victim is not just one woman, is the whole tribe!
This rant is not about the stupid Brangelina, even though it was first inspired by it. Who cares about celebrities anyway? They're all fake and their lives are inconsequential. Angie is a humanitarian? Good for her. I still care more about the unspoken heroes who are day in and day out working to help people who are living in slavery, extreme poverty and terror, by actually risking their lives. I don't care about the big names. I care more about those men and women, and probably trans-people, who do the actual work in the ground. So I really could care less about celebrities, their drama, and their public story of humanism, or cheating, or abuse.
This rant is about feminism and the best strategy to achieve equality. In real life I know that if we are to really make it in this world, gain equality, human rights, power, we cannot do it if we don't stick together and stand up for each other, and demand perfection from one another. If we are to really make it in this world, we cannot forgive the women who don't work for the tribe. Whether it is personal relationships, career, the public domain, we cannot stand for women who are against women (I'm talking to you Ann Coulter, or devil incarnate and I'm not going to call you the c word, because that's a beautiful word, and you are not). Being slutty or ambitious is allowed, as long as you don't step on your sisters to get it done.
The only way we can demolish this patriarchal society, is if we create a society that is accepting and inclusive (even to men and of course trans-people). Even though stereotypical, we take what best defines us as female, and we use those powers for good. We can be different, we can be more effeminate, less effeminate. We may want to only raise children, or only work, or raise children and work. We may want to wear burkas, or slutty skirts. It's our choice! There's not one way to be a feminist, but there is one common identifier and that's that we should be inclusive and unselfish! There's no other way. If you don't have these two qualities, you're not a feminist!
We can be anything, but we can't be the stereotypical powerful male who lies at work, at home, in public office, to gain power, against the general public's and this earth's interest, and his friends who support him in his lies. We don't want that kind of camaraderie!!! We want the kind of camaraderie found in the trenches at war, fighting for the woman and the man and the trans-person in the left, and the woman, the man and the trans-person in the right.
We can't be selfish in pursuit of power. The earth has been raped, and the world has been fucked as it's been run by those patriarchal ideals. As we become powerful, we should change the world, every day in the private and public domain. It's our responsibility, to our gender, and to our mothers, grandmothers, and all the other women in our past who have been stepped on and who were forced to step on each other to gain recognition from men.
We can't be selfish and only care about our own happiness. A selfless camaraderie is what's needed for the new millennium, for the new era, for the new age! And that's what feminism, is all about!